E*G*G's SCINTILLATING QUOTATIONS ON LOVE, SEX, & MARRIAGE [今古名言~第一頁]

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-->Page 1: Sex, Love, and Marriage (in descending order ;)

->Page 2: Wise Sayings & Motivational Quotes that reinforce good deeds, optimism, and positive thinking.

->Page 3: All others, e.g., funny quotes & cynical observations that are not related to sex, love, & marriage.

To understand another is one of life's richest blessings. And To be understood by another is perhaps love's sweetest,

most satisfying gift. ~ Ernest Hemingway

A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their

love. ~ Pearl Buck

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is sex for money costs less. ~ Brendan Francis

To our wives and sweethearts...and may they never meet. ~ Hugo Vickers

Last week we passed a birth-control bill. Now we are trying to pass a law to put the people to bed an hour earlier.

~ Samuel Goldwyn on daylight-saving time legislation.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease. ~ Saul Bellow

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is sex for money costs less. ~ Brendan Francis

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. ~ Jimmy Durante

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little

candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ~ Henry Youngman

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. ~ Leonardo Da Vinci

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets

them. ~ Ogden Nash

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. ~ Anonymous

I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up. ~ Barbara Bush

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love. ~ Woody Allen

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. ~ Lord Byron

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. ~ H. L. Mencken

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little

candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ~ Henry Youngman

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets

them. ~ Ogden Nash

Whatever else can be said about sex, it cannot be called a dignified performance. ~ Helen Lawrenson

My husband said he wanted to have a relationship with a redhead, so I dyed my hair. ~ Jane Fonda

Loves conquers all things except poverty and toothache. ~ Mae West

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. ~ Helen Rowland

I don't believe in divorce. I believe in widowhood. ~ Carolyn Green

Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts, and his higher nature --- and another

and another woman to help him forget them. ~ Helen Rowland

If you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow. ~ John Wayne

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ~ Sacha Guitry

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.

~ Steve Martin

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

~ Socrates

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. ~ Spike Milligan

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage. ~ Ambrose Bierce

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? ~ Lilly Tomlin

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~ Oscar Wilde

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. ~ Leonardo Di Vinci

A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing. ~ Duane Dewel

The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much. ~ Colin Chapman

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. ~ Woody Allen

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. ~ Patrick Murray

The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men. ~ Aristotle

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. ~ Tony Curtis

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself. ~ Emo Philips

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. ~ Woody Allen

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a

middle aged aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life. ~ Emo Philips

What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home. ~ Ken Hammond

Like most men, I am consumed with desire whenever a lesbian gets within twenty feet. ~ Taki

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy. ~ Steve Martin

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. ~ Joan Rivers.

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid. ~ Denis

Leary

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'. ~ Woody Allen

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships. ~ Sharon Stone

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad

it is. ~ Barbara Bush, Former US First Lady

Women need a reason to have sex....Men just need a place. ~ Billy Crystal

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman that I don't like and just give her the house. ~ Rod

Stewart

My girlfriend always laughs during sex... no matter what she's reading. ~ Steve Jobs, Founder, Apple Computers

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do in front

in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful. ~

Robert De Niro

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.

They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? ~ Dustin Hoffman

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. ~ Robin

William

It is impossible to love and be wise. ~ Francis Bacon

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. ~ Jules Renard

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

~ Oscar Wilde

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. ~ Henry Louis Mencken

One advantage of marriage it seems to me is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you

It keeps you together until maybe you fall in again. ~ Judith Viorst

Marriage is like a pair of shears. Oft times working in opposite directions, but punishing anyone that comes

between them. ~ Syndey Smith

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution. ~ Henry Louis Mencken

Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash. ~ Dr. Joyce Brothers

Before marriage, a man will lay down his life for you; after marriage he won't even lay down his newspaper. ~

Helen Rowland

All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems. ~ Shelly Winters

It should be a very happy marriage --- they are both so much in love with him. ~ Irene Thomas

A girl can't analyze marriage, and a woman dare not. ~ Lady Troubridge

Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing ; between 5 it's fantastic .... ~ Woody Allen

Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either. ~ Joseph Fischer

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

Most men who are not married by the age of thirty-five are either homosexual or really smart. ~ Becky Rodenbeck

Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes. ~ Jackie Onassis

Shopping is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you

really like. ~ Adrienne Gusoff

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. ~ Steve Martin

Marriage is like a cage; those outside are desperate to get in and those inside are desperate to get out.

~ Anonymous

From Lee Daniel Quinn's book, Quinn's Devious Dictionary:

MARRIAGE, n.

[1] the dawn of romance and the commencement of history;

[2] a word that should be pronounced as "mirage";

[3] an event, for the upper middle class, is the only adventure left;

[4] a very good way to promote civilization - if you get a good wife you will be happy, if you get a bad one you will

become a philosopher (Socrates);

[5] a process much like a cafeteria - you carefully look over the choices, select what looks the best - and pay later;

[6] an event which is called "tying the knot" - unfortunately, the knot can be a noose;

[7] a word which always means commitment - but so does insanity;

[8] a ceremony favored in England - it's the only way to beat their cold winters and lack of central heating;

[9] something that changes the demeanor of a driver - there is no longer any effort needed to keep both hands on

the wheel;

[10] the only permanent cure for love;

[11] is only compatible when the man makes a living and his wife makes living worthwhile;

[12] the only adventure open to the cowardly;

[13] something which is called a feast - unfortunately, sometimes the appetizer is better than the main course;

[14] a group which consists of: a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two;

[15] the alliance of two people, one who never remembers birthdays, and the other who never forgets them;

[16] the process that turns a female from an attraction into a distraction;

[17] a legal custom which turns a man into the captive audience of his wife;

[18] that ceremony which makes more strange bedfellows than politics;

[19] a rite where two people, under the influence most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of

passions, are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal and exhausting condition until death

do them part;

[20] occurs where a man gets hooked by his own line;

[21] in America, is the only legal method of suppressing freedom of speech;

[22] is made out of two toothbrushes but a single tube of toothpaste;

[23] is just a three-ring circus: engagement, wedding, and suffer;

[24] the process of finding out the kind of guy your wife would have preferred;

[25] a condition where no wife gets what she expected, and no husband expected what he was getting;

[26] the ceremony which provides a man with something that, sooner or later, he will find he can't blame on the

government;

[27] a tradition which would suffer considerably if men had to pay the minister the same fee they will eventually

have to pay the divorce lawyer;

[28] is much like a pair of shears, so joined so the parts cannot be separated, often moving in opposite directions,

yet always punishing anyone who tries to come between them;

[29] the continuous process of getting used to things you never expected;

[30] a status which depends upon two to be successful but only one to turn into a failure;

[31] is a book in which the first chapter is written in poetry and the rest of the pages is prose;

[32] a bargain, and a sensible person understands that someone must get the better of any bargain;

[33] in Japanese is called "Judo" - the art of conquering by yielding. This is the western equivalent of "Yes, dear";

[34] a confrontation which always demands the greatest understanding of the subtle art of insincerity possible

between two human beings;

[35] is not a word, but a sentence;

[36] a delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy;

[37] an investment that pays big dividends if you manage to keep up the interest.

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage. ~ Lao Tzu

Love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. ~ Dr. Karl Menniger

True, we love life, not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving. There is always some

madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra.

We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh. ~ Agnest Repplier

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. ~ William

Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act I, Sc. 1.

I'm gone now, but I'm still very near.

Death can never separate us.

Each time you feel a gentle breeze,

It's my hand caressing your face.

Each time the wind blows,

It carries my voice whispering your name.

When the wind blows your hair ever so slightly,

Think of it as me pushing a few stray hairs back in place.

When you feel a few raindrops fall on your face,

It's me placing soft kisses.

At night look up in the sky and see the stars shining so brightly.

I'm one of those stars and I'm winking at you and smiling with delight.

For never forget you're the apple of my eye.

~ Mary M Green

Most people believe that "I love you" is the best thing you can say to anybody. I have learned that "I love you too"

has a greater impact on the human heart. Anybody can get an "I love you" but fewer get an "I love you too." Those

are the truly blessed. ~ Richie Boggess

Hearts will get broken; you can't hide behind a wall forever. One day, just like any other day, someone will come

along and slip his/her way into your heart. You may fight it "kicking and screaming" but it will happen. Enjoy it;

treasure it. And afterwards when it's over, because it will end, you will cry, you will get hurt, and you will never

be the same again. Because everyone that crosses your path in life will change you or bring out a certain part of

you. Grow and learn from it. ~ Traece Peters